hindsight.

This weekend was really rough. Sometimes life hurts. But I just read some things I wrote two years ago and I'm not sure I can express how humbled I am by them. God has brought me so far. I never noticed it happening, but wow, did He work in me. Perspective sure can make a difference.

I started thinking about this while doing school this morning (it was very distracting. ever tried to tell God how good He is to you while reading an economics book at the same time? it doesn't work very well. just take my word for it.) and honestly, it was pretty overwhelming to think about how I was doing a year ago (and even worse--two years ago) vs. how I'm doing now. Obviously, life is not perfect right now (is it ever?!). But when I think about where I was and, even more humbling, where I could be, I'm amazed by God's faithfulness through everything. Even when I've been preoccupied with all that isn't good or fun in my life, God's been there guarding my heart from the darkness and bitterness that I now see were trying to seep into my spirit. I don't want to be too dramatic (but I will be. we all know how I am), but if it hadn't been for God's constancy in my life, I could be a different person today.

My Daddy told me last week, "You have a delightful quality about you, Natalie." That, of course, made me uncomfortable because I was not made for accepting compliments. I tried to pass it off by telling him that I just hide my negativity really well (I don't think he bought it), but I see now that, despite my human nature tendency towards pessimism, God has given me a real delight for life. And that is not something I just should accept without acknowledging its significance. I realize how huge of a blessing that is. Some people constantly struggle to find any reasons to be happy about life, but all I need is a good cup of tea or a twirly skirt and my bad moods go away. I should be jumping for joy and telling the world how good and faithful God is.

So this is me jumping for joy and telling the world about God's goodness and faithfulness to me. Two years ago, I was crying out for God to bring me people who would listen to and love me no matter how much I talked or how many times I complained about little things. And today? Oh, wow, did He deliver. I have people who I can claim and WHO CLAIM ME. THEY LOOK AT ME, SEE MY RIDICULOUSNESS, AND SAY, "I'M YOUR FRIEND." Ahhh. Just the thought of that makes me want to burst from happiness. I'm in the perfect place to do what I always want to do for people: encourage the heck outta them. I can look my friends who feel lonely and hopeless in the eye and tell them, "I came from that. God is faithful. He is with you every step of the way. I promise you, you will come out of this situation a stronger, more joyful person. Just keep holding His hand."

I just had to brag on God a little today. I don't acknowledge it (or Him in general) nearly enough. I'm going to work on that. Life is really freaking beautiful and God just is so dang good. No matter where you are right now, I want to encourage you to take some time to see God's goodness in your life. Even if it seems like nothing's going right, I promise you that He's there with you, loving you endlessly and holding your hand. I wasn't looking for Him, so I missed all the ways that He was faithfully loving me when life was hard. Don't make the same mistake I did. Look for Him and then brag on Him every chance you get.