Man, life has been downright rude lately. It's been like that person that you thought was your friend, but suddenly they just turn on you and beat your heart into the dust. Yep, exactly like that. The past two weeks could be described by saying, "Cancelled plans and overwhelmed meltdowns". That's been my life. And I've been letting it get the best of me.
I'm bringing myself back to the spot I was in several months ago. I had so many things that were threatening to bring me down, but I was kicking them to the curb with the knowledge of Jesus' relentless love and goodness. I'm also thinking back to the spot I was in last year (which feels much more like five years ago, to be honest). I was in such a dark place of unhappiness and discontentment.
Obviously, I'd much prefer the contentment. But I'm not there. I don't have a lick of contentment in my heart. I find fault with everything that I should view as a blessing. I mean, how pathetic is that? My life is amazing. I have such great parents, I have siblings that are actually my friends, I have friends who love me even though I don't know why the heck they do, and I have my Jesus who pursues me relentlessly even though I ignore His pursuit more often than I care to admit.
Right, the point of my rambling. I knew I was forgetting something. I've been listening to For King & Country extensively lately (because fK&C). Today, a lyric punched me in the face with its relevance. "If You wanna take me over the edge, I'll let You because Your love is where I'll land." Oh, dang. Daaaanngg. There it was, the truth looking me straight in the eyes and saying, "Natalie, you well-intentioned idiot...you are missing the point." I knew all this deep down the whole time, but my heart was refusing to accept that the pain and the gross hardness that naturally come with life all have a purpose. That purpose is not and never will be to depress me. It never will be to pull me further from the One I need to be in fellowship with. It never will be to bring me to a place where I decide that investing in others is not worth the heartache. Goodness, that never will be the point of any pain anyone ever goes through. It can still happen, but only if you let it.
So, getting back to the quote at the beginning of this post, I am choosing tonight to take that perspective. Life's going to be hard. It's going to push me down and I won't want to get up. I'll have those days when I don't even want to get out of bed and face existence, but I won't let them get the best of me. Despite the hard times, I will claim joy. I will claim Jesus' love. I will claim His pursuit of my heart.
I choose to have a wondrous time despite all odds. Life is such a marvelous adventure. I want to enjoy every possible moment of it. You should, too. Let's enjoy this adventure together. After all, that's how it was planned for us in the first place.
