it'll be beautiful soon enough.

"My heart can't take this anymore."

I've said this (though not consciously most of the time) too often lately.  My heart feels like it's been beaten up these past few weeks.  It hasn't been hurt by anyone in particular, except one person: Myself.  My brutal honesty with myself at 1 in the morning has thrown some pretty significant blows to my heart.  After a week of this, my heart has been saying, "I can't take this anymore.  Please make it stop." and I'm echoing those sentiments.

But I'm here with my rebuttal: "Yes, heart.  You will survive this.  You will make it through.  You will be okay...but not on your own.  You will not make it out alive on your own."  I'm claiming Psalm 108:13, that I will do valiantly through my Jesus.  I'm claiming the love He has for me and that it will sustain me.  I'm claiming His relentless pursuit and comfort.  I'm claiming Him.  I know that without Jesus, I will never survive.  I'll never make it.  My heart will never recover without Him.

So, heart.  I know you're hurting.  I am, too.  I know you want this pain to go away right now.  I do, too.  I know you're ready to give up.  I am, too.  But don't.  Take heart, heart.  We will do valiantly.  You and I, we'll make it out alright.  We'll be just fine.  But we gotta be patient and let Jesus do the necessary work in us.  He will make this beautiful soon.  He's already starting.  Just wait and see.  This is going to be beautiful.  I can't wait.

constancy.

"Thank goodness He remains constant even when everything else in the world changes."

My dear friend said that to me tonight and wow, just listen to that.  Even when everything else in the world changes, He is the same.  He is constant.  He is relentless.  I love that.

Life is hard.  Sometimes people hurt us and, seemingly even more common, sometimes we hurt ourselves.  Things we wanted to stay the same forever change (and let's be honest, once that happens, it's never going to go back to the way things were).  That hurts.  It hurts so much.  Why can't things just stay the same?  Why can't life just be this way all the time?  I have asked myself this countless times.  There really is no answer.

But...He is the same.  Even when everything else in the world changes, He is the same.  There's so much peace in that truth for me.  He will not change even when my circumstances do. He will not change even when my attitude does.  He will not change even when people do.  He simply will not change.

So I will rest in Him.  I will rest in His constancy when the world is spinning out of control or simply when my heart is screaming out for the way things used to be.  I will curl up on His lap and lean into His heartbeat and let my Daddy be my Rock.  My never-changing Rock that will keep me grounded in the painful change that is inevitable in life.

"Thank goodness He remains constant even when everything else in the world changes."

but it hurts.

I'm slowly learning the beauty and necessity in choosing joy.  It has been a lesson I've been learning off and on for the past year but recently it's become more real to me.  Jesus is not glorified in my choosing sadness.

Pain is real and it doesn't go away magically with my deliberate decision to smile and look for the positives in my situation, but it can be overcome.  That does not mean that we are to smile and pretend everything is dandy.  No, quite the opposite.  Not only is pain real, but it is also necessary for growth and maturity.  Allow yourself to hurt.  Cry.  Even be angry.  But do not allow yourself to park there.

Pain may be necessary, but it cannot control your life.  Sadness cannot become your lifestyle.  Let joy be your lifestyle.  Park there.  Live in the constant knowledge of Jesus' desperate love for you.  Overcome your sadness with an acknowledgement of the truth that NEVERTHELESS, He is still GOOD.  Live there and let that transform your attitude and lifestyle.  He is ready, able, and SO willing to change your life for the better.

Live in His love.  Live in His goodness.  Live in His constancy.  He is near.  He is here.  He is yours.