unacceptable behavior. wake the heck up, Jesus-lovers.

I have a rant. Get ready for it.

Christ-followers. My dear, wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ. I gotta tell ya: You're driving me insane. I'm saying this in all the love I possibly can muster. Why are you driving me insane? Oh, you better believe I'm gonna tell ya.

You know how you dis other denominations? And how you start the "Free will vs. Predestination" debate on Twitter and blog posts with other Christ-followers? And how you not-so-kindly express that, according to you, your opinion is correct and anyone who disagrees with you is just wrong? You, my fellow Jesus-lovers, are the source of my frustration.

Every time you alienate yourself from other believers because you disagree with them, you totally miss the point of the body of Christ. I'm not talking about the stuff like Jesus being God's Son or being saved by grace through faith or Jesus dying and coming back to life after 3 days. No, not the fundamentals (though if you alienate those who disagree on those subjects, you are still missing the point, but that's a different rant for a different day). I'm talking denominations and whether or not abortion or homosexuality are wrong. Things that, while important topics, do not make or break your going to heaven.

Christ-followers, your fellow believers who differ on those subjects will answer for their beliefs. And you, my friends, you will answer for how you treat them based on those beliefs. If that scares you, I suggest you have a little self-evaluation time and decide if you are mistreating those who you disagree with. It's a tough discussion to have with yourself, I know.

If the body of Christ is dysfunctional, how can we expect to effectively reach the lost? We need to be a team, united by our mutual love for and dependence on Christ. There's no time to be selfish. Every moment we spend arguing with those we should be working together with is a moment wasted. What if the time you spent being rude to your fellow Christ-followers could have been spent loving on people who don't know Jesus? Don't you realize that the rudeness you express to other believers is seen by nonbelievers and turns them off the concept of loving Jesus? They think that we are hypocrites because they look in at the body of Christ and see the hand slapping the foot and think, "What kind of body is this? I don't want to be a part of a body that purposely inflicts pain on itself."

WAKE UP. Lost souls are more important than this. We cannot afford to waste our time on thoughtless hurtful comments thrown into the faces of those we should be united with. Wake the heck up, Christ-followers. This is not Jesus' love. This is not how He dealt with things. This is how Pharisees dealt with things.

your love is worth loving with, my dear.

"The true world-changers don't stop loving even when their heart's getting beaten up."

I get it. Your heart is taking a beating. There's not enough time for that darling heart of yours to recover before the next punch is thrown. It hurts so badly and you just want to give up and stop loving. Logic is screaming in your ear, "It's not worth it. Stop now before you get hit again." Love is whispering, "Don't give up. It's still worth it. You're still changing lives." No one would blame you for listening to logic. I wouldn't blame you. It's screaming so loud and your heart hurts so much and you just want a break from the pain that naturally comes with pouring your love into people's lives.

This is the choice that changes everything. You can choose the safe zone and pull that broken heart back into the safety of your own hands and not let anyone else touch it. Like I said, no one would blame you. Oh, but you could listen to the whisper. You could keep putting your heart out there and keep pouring your love into others. There's risk, but risk just makes love even more of an adventure.

I've been in that place before. Heck, I still am. That place where you're loving people so hard and not getting anything in return. You pour your heart into their life and they don't even acknowledge it. Darling, I get it. It hurts so much. Some days, you're going to want to scream, "Am I really just not worth loving back?" and that's okay. Just land in the knowledge that you are worth loving back and people are doing the best they can. Others' oblivion feeds our own insecurities (oblivion is one of my greatest enemies) and we have to choose to listen to the whisper of "It's still worth it and so are you."

So, darling, be a world-changer. Surprise people by loving harder than ever when your heart hurts more than ever. It's always worth it. I cannot stress enough how much it matters. The world's gonna be a more beautiful place because you loved when it felt like you had nothing left. It already is, simply because you exist and your heart is overflowing with your unique, beautiful love. No one else can bring to the table what you can bring. Walk boldly up to the table. Don't let that familiar fear of rejection make you walk with your eyes to the ground. Lovely, you better walk with your head held high because the world needs your love.

Sweetheart, keep loving. Don't give in to the fear. You've got Jesus on your side so why would you ever want to let fear rule you? Through Him, you are bigger and better than the fear. Your comfort zone is nice and cozy, but adventures never came from comfort zones.

new year, same Natalie.

I promise not to say "New year, new me".

I actually hate the new year. It always seems to depress me. It's probably the fact that there's all this hype built up about Christmas and New Year's and when they're over, there's nothing more to look forward to. The way I'm wired, I need something to look forward to. Anyway, though, I'm trying my very hardest to be positive about the new year and all the exciting things that will happen in 2015 (though I still don't understand why having a new year changes anything, but that's just me).

But let's not get too wrapped up in the "magic" of the unknown that is 2015 that we miss what happened in 2014. What a year it was for me. I haven't been able to decide if it was a good year or a bad year yet. I mean, amazing things happened. I went on my first out-of-the-country mission trip, which was incredible. I finally became at peace with where I'm at in life now, after a year and a half of fighting it and longing for how life was before things changed. I learned about joy and contentment and how beautifully necessary they are. On the other hand, however, my heart feels like it was beaten to the ground and trampled over. I had to come to terms with who I am and how much that person needs to change. That hurt so deeply. I lost track of the number of times I cried, "Just make me worth living!" to Jesus and despaired of it ever happening.

I can't say as I'm a different person coming out of 2014. I still have all the faults and downfalls that I had. I can only say that I've grown. I'm still Natalie. I mess up constantly. But I am growing. I claim that growth.

But this year, I want to grow more. I want my story to keep growing more and more beautiful. I had a long talk with myself today and I decided that, if I only accomplish one thing this year, I want it to be letting Jesus' love be enough for me. I want to be able to say one year from now that even if no one ever accepts or loves me again, I will still have contentment in the love of Jesus. I hope it doesn't come to that, but I want it to be true of me.

So, here's to 2015. Here's to being made new and beautiful. Whatever you're going to throw in my face, dear 2015, I can't say as I'm ready now, but I will be when it comes down to it.

Darling heart, we're going to crush this year.