own this pain.

"I was so broken, but there was so much beauty in that brokenness, and I could finally see that."

This weekend, I was reminded of the darkest season of my life.  I switched things up a bit and wrote about it for an assignment in my online class.  It brought back so many feelings that I'd left behind in my sweet Jesus' hands.  I felt that pain again and it almost made me break down all over again.  It hurt.  My heart ached being reminded of it, but I'm so thankful that I was.

In hindsight, I see the necessity of that time.  I realize that I would not be the person I am today (flawed and messy as I am) without it.  Yes, it hurt.  Yes, I wanted it all to end at the time.  Yes, I felt like I would never climb out of my pit of darkness.  But, oh, how Jesus used that.

There's an underlying theme in who I am and what this blog thing is all about.  You've probably noticed it if you've read more than one of my posts.  That theme is the beauty in pain.  Jesus takes that hurt--yes, that hurt that is threatening to overwhelm you and seems like it will never end--and makes it so beautiful.  Your life is and will be such a beautiful thing.  That's why you gotta stick out the pain.  It will end.  I promise.  I totally understand the feeling that it never will.  I've been there.  I've been in that moment when you feel like you're drowning in pain and you'll never get a breath of fresh air.  I've felt it.  I haven't felt your pain and I haven't experienced your circumstances, but this pain will not last forever and I can promise you that.

"But You are a Savior and You take brokenness aside and make it beautiful."

Honestly, I feel like this post wasn't focused, so lemme just tell ya what I'm feelin' here.  I know you're hurting.  Life can throw some pretty intense stuff straight into our faces just when we glance the other way.  But I'm just saying that you can make it.  This pain will end and it will be made so beautiful.  Next year (or maybe even tomorrow), you will look back at this season and say, "Wow, that really shaped who I am today."  So, are you going to surrender and let our Jesus make this beautiful or are you going to hold onto your pain and keep trying to dig yourself out on your own?  I did that once.  The walls only caved in and I found myself in deeper (don't do it. it's really bad and unhealthy and ineffective okay?).

Let Jesus take this brokenness and make it beautiful.  You're worth it.  Keep on keepin' on.  I believe in you.  You're a rock star and you will make it.